soul searching

How To Let Go Of Expectations

By Jarka Kunova

One of my favourite power phrases at work is ‘to manage expectations’. I actually use it a lot and it wasn’t until recently that I questioned the behaviour that fuels expectations.  

We have high hopes, dream big, generate hundreds of ideas each week or even daily and attach a certain level of expectation to the outcome. Little do we understand how suffocating this can be for our true desires to be played out and realised. 

Often times the level of importance we place on these so-called ‘expectations’ can create a serious situation of anxiety, anger and panic attacks.  Especially when we have a feeling they are not entirely aligned with what we truly want but we are hustling for them regardless. The sense of worry, anticipation, fear, living in the future, hoping, wishing and praying for an outcome takes us away from the ‘now’ which is really the only powerful time and opportunity we will ever get. You can’t create in the future – you can only create in the space and time that’s ‘right now’.  

Excessive expectations block fulfillment. If you are feeling tired, exhausted, anxious, angry at times, frustrated or helpless these are pretty good indicators that your goals may not be aligned with your values. Your body is trying to communicate with you.

Ask yourself these questions:

1. Are you too hard on yourself and expect a lot? 
2. Is your daily ‘to do’ list too long so you never seem to complete the tasks?
3. Do you suffer from insomnia?
4. Do you often tune out when someone is talking to you?
5. Do you often neglect your own self-care?

The key here is that you need to want what you want with all your heart. It needs to feel right from the inside out not the other way around. I believe the opposite of expectations is flow – when things take shape every moment of every day absolutely making sense, adding onto the enjoyment of the journey towards a goal rather than feeling like a major stretch and push. 

I’d like to share a few ideas with you today to assist with this process:

1. List out what you are grateful for

This can be anything – small things but also high achievements. It’s important we know what we are grateful for before we jump into goal setting. 

2. Pinpoint what’s not working

Are there any areas of your life that are not necessarily working well? Why are they not feeling good and what is the reason for you holding onto them?

3. Imagine your ideal day without any restrictions of your current situation

When you think of your ideal day, what are you doing, where are you, who are you with, how are you feeling? Write it down or even create a vision board.

4. What is your ‘WHY’ ?

Explain the reason behind choosing your particular path in life and compare it with your ideal day concept. Are they aligned or are there significant gaps? 

5. What matters to you the most in life?

This can be anything and it can be multiple elements of life. It’s highly likely that your answers to these questions will indicate your core values.

You need to create space in your life to determine what you really want. And too many expectations clog up that space. There is nothing more powerful than knowing your ‘why’ and the underlying desires that support that. Trust and focus are required to create this space and where there is trust and focus, the magic will appear.

Jarka Kunova is a Chief Progress Maker – someone passionate about the beauty of progress and change. A Transformational Life Coach, Desire Map Licensee, Mentor and Permission Giver with a never-ending zest for travel and writing. She shares her stories at designedbylife.com.au. Jarka believes that true abundance and happiness only eventuates from cultivating radical self-belief coming from a place of absolute truth and respect for oneself. You can follow her on FacebookInstagramPinterest, and Twitter.

Why Happiness Is Overrated // Blog Tribe

happiness-is-overrated

By Gauri Maini

What would you say if a child came up to you looking sad? You will reach out to comfort them. Instinctively, we know it is “not ok” to feel sad. It is kinda hardwired. I bet most of us have been conditioned to believe that feelings such as anger, sadness, and frustration are “not okay."

And I will admit that I have been quite taken by 'The Power of Positive Thinking' for a long time and this is what I have learnt. Fear is a faithful friend. It is always with us. It is what keeps us safe. It will never go away. It is also the reason we may get angry, sad or frustrated. So if I am really mad, I know that something important to me has been taken away from me and I fear that I will not get it back.

Fear serves another purpose that is hugely powerful. I believe fear is omnipresent so we can fly. Remember when you got that really BIG WILD idea?  Fear was probably right beside you, saying…“Oh, now that is stupid.”, “You will never be able to pull that off” “People will laugh at you.”

Know that thought? And I am sure you would have learnt/ read that we could just replace that with “I can do it”. There is another way. Which is to say, “yeah, it does sound stupid. I may not be able to pull it off. And yes, I may fall flat on my face.” So who can I talk to about this idea? How can I take this forward? And the most important question to ask yourself is “Why is this idea important to me?” “What about this idea is getting me so excited?”

The answer to that question is the secret held deep inside you that drives everything you do, the choices you make and is that light that guides you telling you what “feels” right and what “feels” wrong. It is your closest friend. The one you sit beside when they are sad. Just sit. 

Listen. Hold hands. Treat your fears as your friend. They are. When you feel sad, mad or just plain frustrated, imagine your friend has arrived. Do what you would do with a friend. Sit with them. Listen. Let go of your judgment for a bit. Go outdoors. And wait until your heart opens up and you understand why it is.

You can find Gauri embracing fear on her blog or running her business, A Wicked Scrub

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